From the excerpt of Nicholas Balakar “Imitation of Film: Here’s smoking at you, kid the author is pointing on young age kids, starting smoking, from be in exposed to R-rated movies. Many of this movies, will push the young generations to get addicted of trying, and become real smokers In a early age, because they will be inspired from they’re favorite actor or even a curiosity of trying and get the real feeling of blowing smoke out of they’re system. But If we look this issue in different prospective, we can not just blame R-rated movies but also the environment and the society where this kids has been raised.
When I used to smoke, movie didn’t affect me of getting one pack a day of Marlboro. I started smoking because I was pushed from my friends to become part of they group and acting like a real man. In that time the addiction and the consequence of smoking for me was just a pleasure that I had to show and exposed to my surroundings.
I won’t agree with the author saying that kids start smoking, because of R-rated movies.
The issue of young age smoking will be from many sources and reasons that these kids are faced in they’re daily routine. Some of them could be pushed from they’re friends, some others from media, commercials, or it could be from a family member. These are three to four ways that kids will be affected from starting smoking, but out there could be more than I mentioned.
I will agree to one fact that author mentions that, this association should be taken very seriously because our future has to be healthy. We as a group, parents, teachers, or even media included we have to work together to stop these reality of kids smoking and guide them away from this bad behavior. In this case parents has to work on more and get control of this event.
My name is Joran. Your summary was pretty clear but I think your thesis is somewhat confusing. From what I understand it seems to be similar to mine. You are saying that while R rated movies can influence kids its also up to us raising our kids the right way. You should try to state that clearly and then give reasons to back it up.Your reasons should be separate and clear so that the reader can understand exactly what your 2 or 3 reasons are. Overall I think you did a good job you should just try to be clearer in breaking down your reasons and being clear so the reader understands what you are trying to bring across
ReplyDeleteFirst of all I think your claim/thesis is somewhat confusing because I couldn’t tell what was your claim or thesis because it usually is in the first paragraph. Next, your reasons connect to the topic well and are easy to understand. One reason I liked was how you mention your reason how TV didn’t influence you. Also, your evidence was very brief! Lastly, I would like you to know that the whole essay was easy to read. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI see two main issues to work on now. 1) The overall essay structure is not clear for the reader. 2) The sentence structure needs work in the sense that this piece has an array of comma splices and run-one. I think, initially, a couple of hours on Freerice grammar might help as well as reading the New York Times opinion pages (see Links and Tutorials above).
ReplyDeleteHello. I am a student in Dr. X’s class and I was asked to give you feedback on your revision of the CAT.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all,
I think your claim/thesis is very clear because you stay with your claim, but in the three paragraph you needed to add more details.
Next,
your reasons connect to the topic well and are easy to understand. One reason I liked was about you smoking because of your friends.
Also,
your evidence was very brief!
I could not understand your evidence.
Lastly, I would like you to know that
the whole was easy to read. Good job!
Hello. I am a student in Dr. X’s class and I was asked to give you feedback on your revision of the CAT.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I think your claim/thesis is very clear due to the way you stick with your claim, but in the third paragraph you needed to add a little bit more details in it and I noticed they are comma splices and run-on which I suggest you need to be fixed. Next, your reasons connect to the topic well and are clearly easy to understand. One reason I personally liked was about you personally smoking because of your friends. Also, your evidence was very short/brief and is a little difficult to understand so to put it out there I couldn’t understand your evidence. Lastly, I would like you to know that the complete essay was easy to read and Good job and the effort put into it.